dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
