I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
