Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
