I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
