so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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