how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
