he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
