The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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