Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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