All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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