Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
