I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
