Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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