She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
