you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
