i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
