Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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