doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
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Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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