dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
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She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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