i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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