apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
