if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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