Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
