his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
