He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Your penis caused this!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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