O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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