She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
