I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
