Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
