Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
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Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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