You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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