There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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