we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
