just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
