My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
