Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
