why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
