Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
