Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
