I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
