Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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