New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
