I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
