This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
