my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
