I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
