I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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