8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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