My liver just broke up with me...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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