Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
