You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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