Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
3pm strippers are depressing
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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