What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize