I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
