Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
