I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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