Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
