I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
