They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
