Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
