Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
