Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
