I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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