i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
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Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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