new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
