last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
