I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
