You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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