I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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