My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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