I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
