Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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