No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
