Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
