i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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