i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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