I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
