honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
