508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
