If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
