Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
