you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
